I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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