Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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