On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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