My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
