I need help removing her.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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