i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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