its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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