the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
