Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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