I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
