We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
