i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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