woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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