I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
