GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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