ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
