ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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