Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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