Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
