ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
