OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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