when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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