That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
