I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
