You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
