so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize