I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
