he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
