what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
