would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
