hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
