Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
