Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
