I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
