i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
