I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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