OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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