i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
