Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
