i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Text me some of your sweat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
