I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
