I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize