I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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