the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had sex on a roof
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
