I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
