just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
