Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
