Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Mom said you looked used
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
