I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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