he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so let's talk penis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
