u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
