I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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