i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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