you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
