Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
