i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
