The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
