FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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