I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
