It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
