Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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