If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
