I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
