I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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