I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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