Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes