he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now