"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
People in love make me want to vomit
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny