So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.