it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it