My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie