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you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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