I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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