just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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